Getting a Deadbeat Dad Served, Part II

To introduce this topic, here's a breaking (and heartbreaking) news story about an extraordinary young woman with a deadbeat dad. See if you can guess who it is before you click (hint: she just won a bunch of gold medals in the Olympics).

Two things lawyers do extraordinarily badly:

1) Serve a party for court.

2) Admit that they can't/won't serve a party for court.

Before you get up in arms over my generalizations, I have to say I have ample proof of both. I have wasted way too much money on attorneys and way too much time waiting for Due Process.

Your court case depends on service of the opposing party--let's say you're a single mother and you're trying to get child support. In New York State, child support begins to accrue on the date the child's father is served. Lawyers really muck this up badly because they WILL NOT ADMIT they haven't the competence to hire a process server.

As a property manager, I have successfully evicted tenants in court, and having never been to law school, I can confidently tell you that a process server is someone over the age of 18 who isn't party to the suit whom you hire for around $20 to hand the opposing party the Summons and Petition. Thanks. That will be $85, I only take cash.

I had two lawyers in two different states tell me two years apart that they had to hire the Sheriff to serve my ex-husband on post stateside and that it would cost $60, not including the cost of sending original notarized documents overnight. Then the Sheriff stood outside the gate and waited for my ex-husband to find the time in his busy schedule to voluntarily accept service. Service failed, because the lawyer didn't have the insight to send someone over the age of 18 with an installation pass to my ex-husband's place of work. I still got stuck with over $80 in costs for failed service.

The next thing the lawyer will tell you is that he can't serve your soldier deadbeat overseas. Bullshit.

There is a military process server in every theater (the Army's euphemism for continent) whose job is to accept summonses on behalf of the soldier. The minute they receive the Summons is the minute the soldier was served.

In 2009, I waited for AA's office to serve my ex-husband for a determination of child support. It took 6 months from the time I retained the firm until the time my ex was supposed to leave the country for his duty station in Iraq. God bless him, what a patriot. During this 6 months, I listened to endless excuses from the Artful Dodger's office staff while my ex lived off-post about 20 minutes up the road from my attorney's office by car in family housing. (That's right. The child lived with me, and the deadbeat soldier was getting family housing.) After he shipped out, I was told, "Oh, we can wait until he gets back in 2 years, and serve him then." This is for child support. Fine, I'll just feed his daughter sawdust while he's serving his country. No problem.

Just kidding. I kicked and screamed my head off until the assistant pretended to move heaven and earth to "find a way." Flash forward to 2012. Don't ask what happened in the intervening 3 years because it's a long story and I'm going to make you buy the book. (God knows I need the money.)

My lawyer in Utah (not going to tell you his name because I haven't fired him yet) told me the same thing earlier this year. "We'll get him... as soon as he gets back to the States." The petition he drafted looked elegant and concise, and I sent him the name and address of my ex's commanding officer and the phone number of JAG. It was March.

"Guess what?" I told him two months later when I called his office. "He's back in Texas for training, but he'll only be stateside for a month."

"Oh, get me an address."

Two weeks later, I figured out he was staying at his brother's and emailed my attorney the address. Talking to my lawyer during my daughter's school field trip to a baseball game, I told him my ex might be visiting her later on in the summer. His response was, "Oboy, why don't we wait and serve him in July? It will be so much EASIER when he's in Utah." I tried to explain that I said "if" not "when," but he just wasn't listening.

Days passed, and I was told we had to hire the Sheriff because the address I gave my lawyer wasn't good enough, it had to be a work address because he had to be served between 9 and 5. I called his firm a week later and was told they didn't have any information. I forwarded back to them the email I sent in March. It was another photo finish with my ex flying back to Germany days after the Sheriff tried to serve him papers. My lawyer, always behind the learning curve, said at the end, "Oh, we were making phone calls that last day because I realized we could have another soldier bring the papers to his office...." No shit. And you've been practicing law for how many years? 19? I sent him a Darth Vader email saying, "You will now serve my ex overseas," my invisible hands tightening around his throat.

Weeks later my lawyer explained when I called him on the phone that one of his former missionary companions was working in the Army's legal division in Europe and that he would be able to accept papers on behalf of my ex-husband. Nonetheless, my ex wasn't served for some reason. A week later, he came to pick up his daughter for visitation and took her to grandma's in Utah. Another week went by. I wondered if the process server had been at Grandma's door. I called my lawyer and got, "do you know when your ex husband will be at his parents' home?" Well, yeah; they were sitting around all day yesterday waiting for your Process Server, I wanted to say. Then I had a flash of inspiration.

"Can you email me the documents by Friday? I'll have my own Process Server do it the day he brings her back to Rochester," I said. My lawyer was overjoyed. "Oh, heck, I could have them to you by the end of the day today." It was Wednesday.

I was still checking my email two days later, counting down the minutes to my filing my next Grievance. Then it came.

His office assistant sent me a PDF of the Petition. Not the Summons or the Affidavit of Service, just the Petition. I looked through my email archives. I have a folder named Asshole Gallery with correspondence from former attorneys. The one I fired in Utah in 2010 had attached a Summons and an Acceptance of Service. I emailed them back as an example to my lawyer's office assistant.

"It has to look like THIS," I explained gently, "plus you're supposed to send me a fill-in-the-blank form with your court caption on it stating: My name is so-and-so and I attest under oath that I'm over 18 and not a party to the suit, and I served deadbeat soldier what's-his-name at x:00 on x day."

After that, I got the correct forms. Service went down without a hitch on the appointed day, using my own process server. Now if I can just count on my lawyer to present a competent argument in court, I might finally be able to get some financial support for my daughter, after four years.

But let this be a cautionary tale about lawyers playing games: Don't put up with his endless excuses, and for God's sake, get your own process server!