Getting a Deadbeat Dad Served, Part I

So here's a cautionary tale thinly disguised as a how-to manual. I realize I published this article last month, but in tone it read like a primal scream, and since there's good news and I'm feeling empowered, I'm going to edit for relevance, using my indoor voice.

First, celebrate with me. Two weeks ago I mailed in my 21-page rebuttal to my ex-lawyer's response to the grievance I filed against him in Texas. Here's a man who ripped me off several thousand dollars, threw my case on purpose and severely damaged my ability to sue for child support and custody the minute I retained him in 2009. Yes, that was 3 years ago, yes, I presented tangible evidence that he did exactly what I claimed, and yes, it took me the entire 3 years to learn to articulate exactly what he did to me in calm, professional tones.

Myth #1: If you hire a lawyer, he tries to represent you to the best of his ability. Remember this and take heart, Downtrodden Reader: Lawyers are expensive. Grievances are free. Craft yours carefully.

And no, it wasn't my fault I hired a creep. Crooked lawyers aren't the rare breed you might think they are. I selected this lawyer carefully after several months spent screening lawyers in three (3) states. Jurisdiction is a hairy scary issue in determination of things like child support and custody when your ex-husband is an active duty soldier. 

Mine divorced me in 2005 because I wouldn't drop out of college when he applied to a duty station in Texas. Why was I in college? Because after he destroyed my career he told me to "get off" my "fat, lazy ass and go back to school."

Struggling to repair my identity and make progress in my own life while being a supportive military wife, I took his advice. At the time we were living at Fort Meade, MD. Just before our daughter turned 2 years old, he left me and I had to move off-post into makeshift student housing. I had no job and no realistic way of sustaining myself. The Divorce Decree was presented to me along with a cash sum which I used over the next 3 years to float along, making minimum payments on credit cards. I was living hand to mouth without a crystal ball to divine my future circumstances with. The JAG attorney advised me to sign The Divorce Decree without changes. I was advised that when my circumstances improved and my daughter came to live with me, I could have it amended to get child support. My bad. (Gentle obedient wives, remember King Henry VIII was a riteous Christian man; after all, he started the Anglican church.)

Myth #2: An active duty soldier can't be served. Flash forward 3 years from 2005 to 2008. At that time, prevailing knowledge was that, for best results, a soldier must be served where he lives and works. I've since been granted enlightenment on this subject. A major reason I chose this lawyer I'll refer to as AA (if he's screwing you, feel free to call him Art) was jurisdictional, although I shouldn't neglect that he did an outstanding job of selling himself in the 9 minutes he discussed my case prior to gratefully accepting my $4,000 retainer fee. (There was once a supermodel who bragged she didn't wake up for less than $10,000, but I remain convinced most whores don't expect to earn $4,000 in a mere 9 minutes.)

The guy you've hired to represent you in court who calls himself an attorney and charges upwards of $200 an hour, who lost your phone number and can't get the spelling of your ex-husband's name right, who knows that child support doesn't begin until the date the deadbeat dad is served will wait six to nine months before having someone on his office staff tell you, "Oops! He declined service. Now we gotta wait 2 years until his tour of duty ends and serve him when he gets back." The soldier has two more years to live it up on combat pay and his signing bonus, while Uncle Sam (military euphemism for the taxpayer) pays his rent and utility bills. Your lawyer goes skipping merrily to his gold encrusted porcelain office loo with your borrowed thousands while you continue support the soldier's child(ren), alone. 

And my former lawyer AA was an ex-soldier himself (one of his marketing points), so he had plenty of insider knowledge and resources he could have used on my behalf.

Myth #3: The Army insists single dads support their families.

Okay, I'm thinking of a scene from an animated Disney film (guess which one) where this Fox named Foulfellow leads the protagonist to Pleasure Island, and I believe the scene applies here (as well as to my recently-featured articles on Modern American Peon Camps). Forever let us hold our betters high, including our decorated military servicemembers: the commanding officer would rather help the soldier keep his date with a bullet than keep his children fed and clothed, he (or she) isn't going to tell you where the soldier is working so he can be served for a court date to determine whether or not he owes child support. God bless America.

In fact, you can't even speak with your ex-spouse's commanding officer, but you'll get a Major 1st Class who works with JAG and won't give you the time of day unless you already have a court order that your ex-spouse owes child support.

Myth #4: The Divorce Decree is a court order.

Through the grievance process, I discovered that my attorney had 1) secretly consulted with my ex-husband within 60 days of my having retained him, 2) unreasonably delayed service, 3) negotiated with opposing counsel to throw out my case because she argued that my daughter's paternal grandparents, who watched my daughter with my consent, as described in the Divorce Decree were her legal guardians or had been court awarded guardianship, 4) plotted to conceal his basis for having my case dismissed by having his office assistants tell me jurisdiction depended on my ex-husband's W-2s (not his Leave and Earnings Statements) and 5) threatened me impending financial harm if I did not sign a Nonsuit immediately. All this after prolonging my suffering 14 months.

And there's more. SO much more. But I'm afraid you'll have to wait for the book. It's coming.