Rochester's Transgender Gauntlet: I made it, will the trans community?

My name is K, nice to meet you.  Welcome to some of my darker experiences as a trans woman.  After a few foiled attempts at trying to “better” the trans community and graduating from undergrad I decided it was time to move back to Rochester where I grew up and started my transition.  To be honest, I felt entirely defeated as a person and sat on my increasingly fat ass for a year before I decided to start doing something about it.  So here it is, I’m going to tell bits and pieces of a particular story that involves rape, the trans community, the gay community, racism, sexism, and a whole bunch of other things Rochester chooses to ignore.

Over this series of articles I’ll be viewing my experience with sexual assault, oppositional sexism and trans-misogyny through a few different lenses.  Don’t panic, I’ll explain all this jargon shortly.  If you like my writing, I would happily accept payment in the form of cookies or high end, single malt Irish whiskey.  If anything, this is an experiment in the effectiveness of narrative transgender literature.  Even though this type of writing has been used to sensationalize transgender issues I’m hoping the addition of a larger discussion of social issues will pull away from traditional, hijacked translit.  

OK, let’s get some stuff straight or as a close friend once said, “…put you on the bus and take you to school.”  Unless you’re a trans person yourself or have had extensive experience in the trans community, forget everything you think you know or have seen on day-time television; this is independent media after all.  Here’s a few terms I’ll throw at you in my writing, try not to get hit in the face.  A transgender person is someone who is assigned one gender at birth, but later identifies as another.  This can apply to a trans woman (assigned male or masculine gender at birth and later identifies as female or feminine gender), a trans man (assigned female or feminine gender at birth and later identifies as male or masculine gender), a genderqueer person who identifies somewhere within the gender spectrum, but not within traditional gender roles, or a gender fluid person who’s gender fluctuates over time and may have multiple gendered identities (not personalities).  Not all transgender people define themselves the same way or have the same experiences so never assume the way in which someone identifies.

Some more complicated terms relating to systematic problems the transgender community faces include oppositional sexism and trans-misogyny.  Oppositional sexism is “…rooted in the presumption that female and male are rigid, mutually exclusive, “opposite” sexes, each possessing a unique and non-overlapping set of attributes, aptitudes, abilities, and desires. It targets those who do not conform to oppositional gender norms (http://www.juliaserano.com/whippinggirl.html).”  This can include transphobia and homophobia as well. Trans-misogyny “...specifically targets those on the trans female/trans feminine spectrums. It arises out of a synergetic interaction between oppositional and traditional sexism. It accounts for why [feminine] spectrum trans people tend to be more regularly demonized and ridiculed than their [masculine] spectrum counterparts, and why trans women face certain forms of sexualization and misogyny that are rarely (if ever) applied to non-trans women (http://www.juliaserano.com/whippinggirl.html).”

To introduce this farce, I’ll start off by saying it’s only recently that the trans community has been relatively visible in Rochester.  Most of what anyone hears about trans people is filtered through outlets of the gay community and the GAGV’s (Gay Alliance of the Genesee Valley) white washed version of inclusion.  Swear to god, I’m not bitter ;).  Although we share an acronym, we’re all very diverse communities with a range of experiences and opinions that deserve more than a corporately structured oppression factory that spends more money on its appearance than devoting it’s time to important community issues.  But fuck it, why care about our friends and neighbors when we can make catty comments and drink bourgeoisie cocktails while looking down on everyone who’s not hip (economically, socially stable) enough.  

At the beginning I was about 18 or 19 years old and not even knowledgeable enough to be considered naïve about the pitfalls of queer culture.  I had found a yahoo “support group” (which will be the only organization I won’t name because I give a shit about other trans people) affiliated with the Gay Alliance and started attending regular meetings. Like most quasi-support groups, this one met at a bar called the Monroe Avenue Pub which is a complete shithole; yeah, hi, nice to meet you too Ave Pub, stop sucking so much!  This included watching a bunch of mostly middle aged self-loathing, self-identified “closet crossdressers” (some refer to this as gender fluid depending on how one identifies) binge drinking while their wives sat by and controlled their social lives so “the neighbors won’t find out.”  However there were several other decent trans people who were resented for their ability to openly express themselves.  This was an interesting paradox that some group members faced that I’ll address at a later time i.e. come out to improve your quality of life and be ostracized from a crumbling, negative, but single source or support in a sea of socially conservative Rochestarians for a handful of people.  

In order to attend it was unavoidable that you would be regularly condescended to by some older gay patrons who would start every sentence with, “honey…” and end it with a comment about your genitalia or how they can “have their cake and eat it” because why would we actually want to be treated as the beautiful women that we are?  This was all so normalized by the group members who informed me, “This is just how it is.”  Over time the people I met became sketchier and scummier until finally, I was introduced to someone who date raped me and attempted to turn-me-out (pimp me out for money).  This didn’t really bother any of the group members or disrupt any of the same ole’ same ole’ at the Pub.  Those in the mainstream queer community come out under the assumption that life is just a sea of rainbow flags and votes for whoever supports gay marriage or reserving us all a spot in the military (like we don’t have enough problems).  I’ve never had this pristine experience which is why I never use the term pessimistic when someone is discussing the problems facing the trans community.  So there’s that.  Hopefully you’ll enjoy my heavy sarcasm and what some critics will consider “inflammatory writing.”

P.S.  When I first offered to write a much smaller, censored version of this piece for the Gay Alliance I was told I would be sued for slander and it would result in the closure of the entire organization (wouldn’t really affect many less than privileged queer people).  I knew this was complete bullshit seeing as how I didn’t include any names of people or organizations, plus they accept advertising revenue from the Pub (see Empty Closet published by the GAGV).  I guess I’m grateful for their disapproval and subsequent inspiration, because I’ve learned to do things a bit louder and as Stokely Carmichael once said, “All criticism is an autobiography, dig yourself.”  Thank you independent media for giving me a chance to speak without censorship.