Diary of a Mad Grrrl

Can the president define irony?

I know I promised to start writing this diary a while back, but I was suffering from writers block for a bit, and the past few months I was more or less directing my rage towards people who don't tip, and the Mike Ognibene Ford commercials (hey, I realize its not like, any kind of real issue, but that guy is really annoying.) But this whole week I have felt as if someone was going to jump out at me from behind a potted plant screaming “Smile! You’re on Candid Camera! The past 3 years have all been a horrible mass hallucination perpetrated on you, and everyone else in this country, by a few prankster scientists living in some shack in Wyoming! We don’t have a Supreme Court appointed ex-cokehead fratboy hick for a president, we never had an entirely unjustified war, the Terminator is not running for office, and Jennifer Lopez is not the most renowned celebrity of our time! It’s all been a cruel cruel joke!” Outside of the general surreal-ness of my day to day life (which this week included waiting on the cast of Deliverance, and seeing a grown man brought to tears and tantrum for lack of coconut cream pie), I was also lucky enough to catch El Presidente’s press conference…

The first question the president was asked was “How close are we to actually finding Sadaam Hussein?” And Dubya answered, with all the charm and grace we have come to expect from the President in Chief - “I don’t know, all I can tell you is that we’re on the hunt, we’re huntin’!” A statement worthy of the genius, of, oh, I don’t know, perhaps Elmer Fudd?

When asked if he had found any actual evidence of a link between Sadaam and Al-Quaeda, he chided the reporters for wanting things too instantly, and explained that they were still looking for evidence and that it would take some time before they would have it, but assured them that he was confident that they would find it. Is it just me, or should Mr. Pre-emptive Strike scold anyone for trying to jump the gun on things? Also, does it have to do somehow with Dubya’s dyslexia that he doesn’t understand that one ought to have the evidence before launching an invasion? No, I think he understands that perfectly, considering he insisted that he did in fact claim to have evidence proving the connection before we went to war. This is not some dyslexic mishap- he was lying!

Seeing as how he tried to evade that question, the next reporter asked him a similar one about how the United States’ credibility throughout the world would be effected considering that the case for the Iraq war was built on flimsy and possibly non-existent evidence. Perhaps that reporter thought she, unlike the one before her, was actually going to get an answer to the question… she thought wrong. Dubya pretty much ignored the question, and went on talking about how the world would be a better place with a free Iraq, and then insisted that the only evidence needed was that the UN had placed 12 resolutions against Iraq, and that he used chemical weapons on his own people (come on now, that has been discredited about a hundred million times, how can he go on saying this? Its preposterous!).

The next question was the one that made me understand why Elvis used to shoot his TV out all the time. Bush was asked about his views on Gay Marriage, and on homosexuality. And this is what the bastard said:

“Yes, I am mindful that we're all sinners. And I caution those who may try to take the speck out of the neighbor's eye when they've got a log in their own.
I think it's very important for our society to respect each individual, to welcome those with good hearts, to be a welcoming country.
On the other hand, that does not mean that somebody like me needs to compromise on an issue such as marriage. And that's really where the issue is headed here in Washington, and that is the definition of marriage. I believe in the sanctity of marriage. I believe a marriage is between a man and a woman. And I think we ought to codify that one way or the other. And we've got lawyers looking at the best way to do that.”

WHAT? First of all, the “Sinners” thing is just wrong on about 8 million levels- mostly including outright bigotry and supreme violation of the separation of church and state (when did it become the presidents duty to define who is a “Sinner.” I’m reasonably sure that “Sinner” is not a legal term). Second, I honestly don’t even understand why it is such a big deal to allow gays and lesbians to marry? Why the hell is it his business to define marriage? The way I see it, the only reason he, and others like him want to “codify” marriage is to protect their “right” to discriminate against the last people its minorly “acceptable” to be upfront about hating. Its not as if, were gay marriage legal, that they themselves would be forced to take up same sex spouses and have hot anal sex every night. It would not in fact affect any straight people in any way for any reason! How can a country that considers itself modern and civilized - still ban gay marriage, and still assume its ok to discriminate against anyone? Is it me, or isn’t hate just a wee bit passe?

Unlike Elvis, I didn’t have a gun with which to shoot out my TV, so I just threw shoes, which I noticed did not do me as much good. So I just sat down for the next question… about the economy. The reporter asked if Bush planned to do anything about the economy outside of the tax cuts. He said “no, absolutely not.” I gotta say, this speaks for itself and doesn’t need any of my expounding. He actually said that.

In his next few responses, he more or less admitted that he was trying to do the diplomatic thing with North Korea, because they, unlike Iraq, could actually put up a fight (obviously this is one bully who has no intentions of picking on anyone close to his own size). He averted a question about the lie about Iraq purchasing uranium and instead went on about how Condoleeza Rice is an “honest, fabulous person” (wait… isn’t “fabulous” a word often used by “sinners?” ). He insisted he didn’t see anything the least bit strange about planning to spend 170 million on his primary campaign (even though he’s unopposed in the republican party), and started shuckin’ and jivin’ about the 15 billion dollars he’s more than likely not actually going to be sending to Africa to help combat AIDS.

Curiouser and curiouser… here’s hoping I just fell down a rabbit hole.