The Importance of Victims Of Crime Act-The Ripple Effects of Long Term Trauma
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April 26-May 2,2009 is National Crime Victims Rights Week. This years theme is Celebrating 25 years of VOCA, the Victims of Crime Act. Dr Beth Allen is a survivor of violence and serves on the committee that organizes events for the week. This year for the first time animals are being incorporated into the NCVRW theme for Criminal Justice Day on April 30 at Genesee Community College. For more info contact the sponsor of this event, Mental health Association of Genesee County at 344-2611.
This April 26-May 2, 2009 in Genesee County is observance of National Crime Victims Rights Week. This is
an annual event which focuses on the impact various crimes have on victims, and also highlights the many
agencies and service within our county that help serve their needs. The National theme this year is
“Celebrating 25 Years of Helping Victims of Crime through VOCAâ€. VOCA is the Victims of Crime Act
which was established by President Reagan in 1984. It essentially is the only grant program provided by
federal government that provides the needed money for victims of every type of crime. The programs within
our county that help survivors of crime include our Justice For Children Center, Domestic Violence programs
and shelters, Rape crisis, Genesee Justice, and Mental Health Associations. Victims of crime receive vital
services and financial support for help with medical expenses, court costs, mental health counseling, and
even funeral costs. And none of this is paid for by tax payer money. The money for VOCA comes from
funds collected from criminal fines and VOCA has helped over 4 million victims of crime including those
whom were affected by the Sept. 11, 911 attacks. It has helped survivors of rape, domestic violence,
homicide, child abuse and sexual abuse, DWI, hate crimes, elder abuse, theft, assault, and so much more.
Please ask our representatives to continue to support VOCA and limit cutbacks on VOCA funds or services.
Personally, I don’t believe I would be alive today had it not been for many of the agencies that have provided
me with important supports to get through the aftermath of violence. As a child survivor of domestic violence,
rape, and sexual abuse, I had many long term symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome. Growing up
back in the 1960’s and 1070’s, I learned to stuff my feelings and memories of what happened to me.
There were no such programs like we have today with the kinds of services we have today to help. There was
so much stigma and a lack of real understanding for the mindset of a survivor of violence. My mother and I
simply survived…one incident after another….year after year. We smiled when we went to church or met
our friends or neighbors like nothing was wrong. This on the mornings after I watched my father smash
things over her head. We felt shame and we put blame on ourselves somehow. For me, I was quiet
and I tried not to make waves. I became very good at sensing “the mood†of the house and of others.
I was always wondering if this was going to be a good day or bad. Whenever there was alcohol it was
bad. How ludicrous was it for me to somehow believe that what I did or said as a child had any impact
on the violence? But I did. Many victims do. Many do not truly understand
no one deserves any form of emotional or physical violence against them.
But the violence was episodic. It flared when alcohol or high stresses were involved.
There was underlying, undiagnosed mental illness in the family as well. In between we had birthday
parties, family outings and celebrations too. But each act of violence was like a splinter of wood being
introduced under my skin. It was never removed or cared for. And like a splinter that isn’t removed,
it festered and it’s long term effects were like a mental infection that spread throughout my life.
When I try to describe the effects of the sexual abuse, I ask people to close their eyes and imagine their home
being broken into. Perhaps some of your most valued memories or articles are stolen from you. It
would be hard to sleep or continue to live in such a place. Now, imagine it is your body that has been
broken into. Survivors of rape and domestic violence understand that you can’t just go out and exchange
your body and mind for new one. We must live with those feelings and memories forever. NOW…go one
step further and imagine that you are a child, still developing emotionally and always continuing to
grow and learn. Imagine, as a child, how it would feel to be sexually abused, or controlled by
someone. Imagine that it is the same person that also clothes you, buys you presents, and feeds you…a
person you love. Imagine the conflicting feelings of love, fear, and hate for the person hurting you.
Imagine how you would grow up feeling about your body, yourself, and others that couldn’t or
wouldn’t help. It would be so easy at to become bitter, to not trust, to give up or lash out at
others later on in life…that is how the cycle of abuse lives on. I had learned to “numb outâ€
when the emotional tension was too much as many children do and go to a “safer place†in
my mind. That was my protection from the conflict and pain.
I managed to go through life a "people pleaser" of sorts, never quite feeling like anything I accomplished
in my life was enough. I had no sense of “boundaries†at all…I didn’t know how to say “NO†to boys
and I never learned to let myself feel angry about anything. Internally I hated my body, and I hated myself
though externally I projected a perfectly happy and “together†life…just like what I learned as a child.
Finally though, in my late 20’s, a lifetime of painful secrets began to take their toll. I loved my job as an
emergency vet and I had trained 9 years to be a good one. Animals had been a haven of unconditional
love to me as a child and I trusted them. But the trauma I saw inflicted on the animals being brought to
me by Buffalo city animal control the SPCA was overwhelming! I saw every type of crime that is afflicted
to people, also inflicted upon animals. It triggered my own feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.
It triggered the fear and anger I felt as a child and had stuffed away somewhere to some little box in the
closet of my mind. Part of me wanted to die. I won’t go into the details of detoxifying my mind and healing
my body…that would take a book of writing. But I can say that there wasn’t a single aspect of my life
that wasn’t somehow affected by those acts of violence…emotionally, psychologically, professionally, physically,
financially, socially and spiritually. My personal relationships, my ability to have children, how I ate, how I
slept, how I viewed my body…all were affected. My entire family went through it right along with me.
Their wounds were opened as well. Some days there was depression was so deep, I couldn’t even see
the next day…I could only live from breath to breath. I couldn’t see a future. Such are the painful depths
of clinical depression. There were years of dealing with triggers, night terrors, flashbacks, panic attacks,
body memories and from time to time, wanting to give up. The anger I finally let myself feel was turned
inward and it caused a paralyzing depression. Multitudes of agencies, doctors, nurses, therapists, ministers,
fellow survivors, support groups, hot lines, friends and family helped me…I had to let them help me
or I wouldn’t make it through the tunnel of toxic feelings. I had to learn to ask for help.
ALL who helped me were important….ALL were necessary for the healing to take place.
My mother courageously made the same commitment and over the years, and we faced all the
issues that we had shared. Today, our bond is closer than I could have ever dreamed and our
psychic connection is uncanny!
I slowly acknowledged all those angry, scared, ashamed, hurting, and injured parts of my past and I let them
speak. Eventually, the intensity of the pain did end. The symptoms of PTSD went away for the
most part, but not completely. As I look back, those years were like walking a tight rope. At any
moment I could have been lost forever….lost in a host of coping mechanisms like drugs, alcohol,
food addiction, or eating disorders as many victims are. I could have been lost in the cycle of rage,
lost in denial or hate, lost in societies stigmas and misconceptions, or lost in the system. I had
everything going for me though. I had an educated mind, financial stability, health insurance, and
I built a strong support system over time….but it was still SOOOO hard! I can’t imagine how any survivor
of violence, especially long term, can make it through to the other side without just one of those
important resources. 30% of survivors of long term childhood sexual abuse do not make it.
THAT is why I’m writing this article. THAT is why I am opening up my personal life to you.
THAT is why we need all the critical services our county and government provides.
THAT is why we need to support VOCA. My life to recovering began with a simple call to a rape crisis
hot line. I am so much stronger now. I have found mostly peace. I have forgiven where forgiveness
needed to be granted…not for them, but for myself. I never dreamed I could ever feel that way, but
upon learning how much violence my own father had grown up with and with the dedication he
showed later in life to straighten his own life up…I did at last forgive.
I have learned to pray again and trust that those that hurt me will have to deal with their own hearts.
I learned to place in the hands of a higher power, those things I have no control over.
I have chosen to believe that there is nothing we can’t accomplish if we all make those small choices
to care and help one another. My family is the closest we have ever been now. The child within me
(and we all have one of those) is healthier and isn’t afraid to simply laugh and play.
20 years ago I spoke out because I was empowered to reduce the stigma of rape. I knew there were so
many “silent†victims just like myself that had kept silent. Today, it’s not the stigmas I worry
about because we have television and internet that is so graphically open about the effects of violence.
What I fear today is that there is a desensitization of our youth to violence. We are flooded with it
in just about every type of media. Research has shown that a child’s ability to develop empathy is
the most important deterrent to aggression and violence later in life. So please, be mindful of
the internal and external messages we each send to ourselves and to others.
I do not ask for your sympathy. What I ask for is your empathy for those that are still
suffering and to teach your children the same.
Please join us and participate in this year Crime Victims Rights Week events this April 26-May 2nd.
It's not just for survivors of crime, it's for everyone to come together and support one
another in the compassionate spirit we want our community to project.
Dr Beth Allen DVM
A member of the
American Association of Human-Animal Bond Veterinarians
Elba, NY